Rotten Tomatoes

When I look back at my unkindness towards others, I justify it by putting it into a context such as, “I was young and foolish. I have grown.” When someone has hurt us years ago, we begrudge them forever by freezing them in that moment for ever by denying them the very evolution that we claim for ourselves.

This is the ego’s survival mechanism. It seeks to keep "I, Me, and Mine" on a pedestal by pushing away others. Sometimes, we hold onto old grudges because these give us a sense of moral superiority, yet we grant ourselves "mercy for our own past sins.

I want to share a few stories which help me loosen my grip on past grudges that you may find useful.

1. When someone lands an arrow at us, of course it hurts. But we keep jabbing ourselves with the same arrow at the same spot by carrying the grudge. The one who shot the arrow is long gone and likely has no memory of it. So, who is continuing to hurt?

2. Imagine someone throwing tomatoes at us in disgust for whatever the reason. We catch those tomatoes, put them in a sack, and carry the sack on our back day and night. After a couple of days, the tomatoes start rotting, mushing, smelling, oozing, and molding. When you keep carrying these rotten tomatoes for days, weeks, months, and years, who is continuing to get dirty from these? Certainly not the person who threw them at you. The old grudges are like rotten tomatoes that you can choose to discard.

3. And then, the Greek Myth of Sisyphus, a tale of eternal, futile labor. Condemned by the gods for cheating death, Sisyphus is forced to roll a boulder to the top of a hill, only to have it roll back down for eternity, representing the absurd, repetitive nature of life. Sisyphus had a choice of letting that boulder drop and not roll it back up but he was attached to his misery. In a way, we are also attached to holding onto old grudges which give us the sense of moral superiority over others. We have a choice of dropping the boulders of grudges anytime we want but we are wedded to our misery often.

I came across a poem from a homeless woman who lived on the streets of San Francisco. Basically, her message was to drop the load of possessions and grudges. The last three lines were something like this referencing to everyone's inevitable end: “Where you are going, you need nothing. They are expecting you. An extra fish has been salted and a plate has been set.”

We carry grudges for years which only hurt us. When someone is being unkind to us, we can choose to not accept their unkind words, This reminds me of another story from the Buddha:

The Gift of Anger: A man once came to the Buddha and spat in his face, furious at his teachings. The Buddha simply wiped his face and asked, "What else?" The man was stunned. The Buddha later explained to his disciples: "If someone offers you a gift and you do not accept it, to whom does the gift belong?" By not accepting the "gift" of the man's anger, the Buddha remained free. He didn't judge the man; he saw his suffering.

And if tomatoes of anger, hatred, jealousy, and unkindness are thrown at us, don't catch them or if you do catch them, drop them before their rottenness start oozing on your garments.

Extend the same mercy that we have for our sins to everyone else. Ego chooses grudge; soul chooses freedom. There is peace in freedom.

#soul #grudge