Are You Nobody Too?
The following two lines from Emily Dickinson’s poem have always stayed with me:
“I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you—Nobody—too?”
Now in my sixties, I occasionally feel myself slipping into that space of becoming a "Nobody." Despite my active roles as a wife, a mother, and a corporate executive, society’s gaze often passes right over me. When I am out with my adult children, shopkeepers naturally address them, leaving me virtually invisible.
This mirrors a pattern I have observed for years. At Indian gatherings, when elders in their eighties or nineties arrive with their host children (now in their sixties), few people take the time to sit with them, ask after their well-being, or draw upon their lifetime of wisdom. Is this tendency to side-line the elderly a uniquely Western phenomenon, or has it become universal?
Dickinson captures the alternative with characteristic sharpness:
“How dreary—to be—Somebody!”*
How do I release my grip on "Somebody-ness" so my mind no longer reacts when I am overlooked in public? How do I grow comfortable with stepping back, knowing that leaving my job means leaving my title behind? Most fundamentally, when I eventually leave this body, I will no longer carry the labels of wife, mother, daughter, sister, or friend. Why not embrace becoming Nobody now, and gently let it all go?
*: The wisdom tradition Dickinson draws from, and the philosophical depth within Indian heritage, both suggest that becoming "Nobody" is not a loss of worth, but a liberation from the burden of maintaining an image.
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